Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
