so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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