hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
