I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
