I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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