yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
