Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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