filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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