I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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