Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
