everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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