I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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