You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
