all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
