What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found puke in my bra..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
