I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
