So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
