So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
