You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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