I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
