woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
