anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
