well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
