I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
