I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
