The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am naked and annoyed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
