either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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