i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
did i walk over a car last night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
