he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
