You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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