Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
