He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize