He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
