She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
