it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
NoShamevember. You game?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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