It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Someone stole a lamp last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
