I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
