god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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