i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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