And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
