Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
