Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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