I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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