These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
