This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
