dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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