I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
