I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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