God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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