When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
