i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
