I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
