somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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